Hello everyone and thank you for joining me for this month-end episode on goals.
As I mentioned in the June month-end update on goals episode, I took myself through my goals process to see if I my goals are still in alignment with what I’m really trying to accomplish in my business and my life and there were a few tweaks.
And there are some more tweaks this month which will also drive the theme of this episode which is going with the flow with what life is presenting to you. Let’s dive in to the progress I’ve made on my goals so I can explain everything that is going on.
Goal: have a net income (earnings minus expenses) of $80,000 minimum this year.
With the help of my mastermind group and going through my goals review I have 4 sub-goals for this goal. These sub-goals are, by year end:
June’s Profit and Loss report showed an abysmal net profit of $922.38, way far off from the average $6700/month required to see a net profit of $80,000.
As I am bringing on more organizations as clients I’m also experiencing more delays in payment. I invested more time in proposal writing and follow-up meetings and communications and I’m realizing my prices for organizations are also going to need to reflect the larger investment of time and travel required. It has been a really good learning experience and I’ve already changed some of the language in my documents to reflect the expectations.
Goal: do 1000 Spartan-regulation burpees in good form within one workout by October. Separately, do an unassisted pull-up before the end of this year.
This past Friday I did 750 burpees in 3:10:55. I’m still on track to complete this goal by October but in the last month I experienced pain in the back of my knees a couple days after my burpee workout and I hit 750 burpees in my second attempt, not my first attempt. The first time I tried I got to 705 and had to stop. I lost good form and I was completely spent.
For the pain in the back of my knees I consulted the Personal Trainer in my BNI group and we figured out what was causing it and the solution – I need to have a wider stance when I jump in and out of the push-up position and pay attention to keeping my feet straight. My heels have a tendency to come together causing my feet to form a V-shape when I jump out of the push-up position and into the squat.
For this and several other reasons I’ve decided to hire Alex as my personal trainer and nutrition counselor. His certifications and experience working with endurance athletes made this decision easy to make. The only thing I have to figure out is timing and schedule as the gym he works out of is 30 minutes away from my home and as you can imagine I have a wonky schedule at times.
As for my failed first attempt at 750 burpees, there was a reason for that too: my mental attitude. You’ve heard me talk about this before. If you don’t have the right mental attitude you will be working against yourself and your goals and that was true for me that day.
There have definitely been things going on in my life that my brain noodles over. However, the day of my workout it was like my brain couldn’t let any of it go.
I was having arguments in my head with people who weren’t in the room. I was getting annoyed with myself because I knew what was happening and what the consequences would be if I didn’t change my attitude. I had small victories and then would realize I was doing it again. Half way through my workout I was exhausted – not from the workout, from the war that seemed to be raging in my head.
My second attempt, even though the temps and humidity were higher I was in a different place mentally and I achieved my goal. The lesson for me here that I keep learning and practicing over and over again is to always work on my mental game. For me that looks like meditation, walks and runs in nature, taking really good care of myself physically, making time to nurture my relationship with loved ones and frankly, letting go of the things I don’t have control over.
That was the mental angst I was experiencing that day. There are some things I do not have complete control over and I need to accept that because resisting it is only causing me stress.
Getting clear on what is and is not in my control will help me to take on going with the flow. From that place I have more peace and more power and can stop wasting my energy and mental space on trying to change what is.
I think I may have to go back and reread Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is.
For pull-ups I have not get graduated to a lower weight pull-up band but instead of stepping into it I’m now putting a knee in so that’s a little bit of progress. I let Alex know I also have this goal so we’ll be working on my pull-ups as well.
Goal: Be in a committed monogamous relationship with a man.
To recap, when I did my goals mini-course I identified qualities that would help to take me to my goals. Those qualities are being aligned, feminine, social, focused, disciplined and committed.
Then I identified the daily practices that would help me to develop these qualities. Many of the practices had to do with my self-care: sleep, a lighter schedule and transition time between meetings and activities.
I set the intention to take better care of myself this summer so my best self and the self that enjoys being feminine and social can come forth.
And guess what? It’s working. I am meeting more men that I had before, making more quality connections and overall enjoying myself more. It doesn’t hurt that my burpee workouts are making me feel more confident overall and more present in my body as well.
This goal has changed as I am having a hard time connecting with Emily leRoux and it was getting to the point that pulling off this event in only 3 months was going to take such an enormous effort it would have likely ended up hurting me and my business rather than helping.
Go with the flow, right?
I am still going to do 1000 burpees by October but the completion of this goal will not be tied to an event.
I am also still committed to doing a Women Taking the Lead branded event this year. In doing the goals mini-course as a part of my review process I realized how important live events are to me. This is an area where I shine and I feel an enormous connection with the participants of the workshops that I do.
Goal: Do a live workshop in the 4th quarter of this year.
I haven’t committed to any particular topic yet but given that time of year a workshop on creating and achieving your 2019 goals would not be inappropriate.
How are your goals coming along? If you’re not 100% happy with your goals or your progress I’m going to suggest doing my goals mini-course. You can find out more about it at womentakingthelead.com/goals. And as a thank you for being a listener of this podcast you can use coupon code goals10 to get $10 off.
Before I go I want to share with you something very personal that is going on in my life and may impact the release schedule for this podcast. It’s also part of the reason I’ve made some changes to my goals.
A little over a month ago my mother was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer and will be having surgery to remove the lump in her breast next week. My mom is positive and optimistic but after a hormone test her treatment was changed from surgery and radiation to surgery, chemo, radiation and pills. It’s a little disconcerting.
I’m still trying to understand everything and will hopefully be chatting soon with my sister-in-law who has been an oncology nurse. My family is rallying together so I’ve got a lot of support but for me there’s still some confusion and uncertainty so it’s a little draining.
However, I am taking control where I have control and working on letting go of the things I don’t have control over, and there’s a lot of things I don’t have control over in this situation.
This was one of the things going through my mind during my failed burpee workout.
I am committed to continuing to bring you great content, though it may not always be each and every week.
If you have any topics you would like me to cover please let me know. I am always looking for fresh ideas and this is a way you can support me and the other women listening to this podcast.
Please keep me, my Mom and my family in your thoughts and prayers and know that you are in mine.
As always I hope this was of value to you and here’s to your success!
I don't know about you but I feel like this season is going by at lightning speed. There's so much I'm doing and accomplishing and yet there's so much more I want to do and accomplish that I'm finding I have to be very intentional about taking breaks to do nothing.
In fact, when I realized it had been years since I'd read a fiction novel I committed to read at least one this summer. I got my Portland Public Library card and by recommendation from the Women Taking the Lead private Facebook group I checked out The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley and it is so good!
I've also discovered the podcast Binge Mode Harry Potter and that is just a pure pleasure. Warning: it is not for children or for someone who has just started getting into the Harry Potter series. They swear and their conversations contain adult content and they tie themes between all 7 books and all 8 movies in any given episode.
The Mists of Avalon and Binge Mode Harry Potter, that's what I'm up to right now in my down time and transition time.
In my business I've also been working on putting my presentations and workshops into DIY formats that you can purchase right from this website under the Products tab at the top of the page. I've also been working on polishing the marketing materials and documents for the Executive Leadership Coaching arm of my business. That has been very gratifying and fun to work on.
Overall the summer has been a nice mix of business and pleasure and I'll give more updates in next week's month end update on goals episode.
Today I want to talk about the connection between your sense of self-worth and your ability to achieve a goal. I want to start with this quote by Brené Brown.
You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.
~ Brené Brown
From the moment we’re born, we’re taught the importance of achieving in life.
Parents, teachers and coaches counsel us that setting goals and striving for them is what life is all about. And it's true, achieving goals is an integral part of a successful personal and business life.
But too many times along the way, we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves. And when we can’t meet those exaggerated or mismatched goals, our self-worth plummets. We beat ourselves up, forgetting that we aren’t perfect. We decimate our own self-worth.
Forgiving others is important. But forgiving ourselves – that’s essential.
Do You Think You’re Worthy?
If you don’t think you’re worth it, you won’t invest in what it will take to be happy in your career. Career happiness takes effort – you can’t set it and just forget it.
How we value ourselves determines if we’ll take the risks or make the investments necessary to succeed in both our business and personal lives.
Sadly, if we don’t respect ourselves, that self-defeating philosophy affects our entire life.
When our self-worth takes a nosedive, we often try to overcompensate in other ways. This is also where perfectionism will take over. We will try too hard to show we are worthy and valuable – over-promising or making too many commitments at once - and end up running ourselves into the ground to keep up appearances.
Or, we may give up too soon, never living up to our true potential.
The result is frustration, overwhelm, and a whole lot of unnecessary stress. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Improve Your Self-Worth: Appreciate Your Value
You are responsible for naming and achieving your own success. Each person has their own innate gifts and talents that can enhance their career. Follow your path - not someone else’s. Stop being influenced by what other people do or think.
To give your self-esteem a boost, try these practices:
- Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Recognize that at that time you were doing your best, you learned a lesson and now you can give yourself permission to move on.
- Identify your strengths and how you can incorporate them into your life. This is a vital exercise I take you through in my goal-setting product because when we leverage our strengths we make achieving a goal so much easier. That sounds like a no-brainer but often we are not present to what our strengths are and we dismiss them as common when they are far from common.
- Develop a mindset that validates you, not diminishes you. Our brain has a negativity bias and if left untrained it will mainly focus on what's wrong, what has not been accomplished yet. That causes you to lose sight of what is going well and what has been accomplished thus far. Make it a practice to think about how far you've come in the past 5, 10, 20 years and all the things you are doing right to move yourself closer to your goals.
Self-Compassion – A Key to Success?
Research by Juliana Breines and Serena Chen at Berkeley suggests self-compassion may be the key to your true potential. “Self-compassion is a willingness to look at your own mistakes and shortcomings with kindness and understanding — it’s embracing the fact that to err is indeed human.”
Hundreds of years ago when Alexander Pope wrote “To err is human, to forgive divine,” he had a good understanding of human behavior. It’s hard to forgive ourselves when we’ve made a mistake; after all, we’re groomed throughout life to try to be perfect.
Reality check: no one is perfect.
Do you set expectations for yourself that no one could achieve only to berate yourself for having failed?
Start Increasing Your Self-Worth Today
There are many ways to help you increase your self-worth - some are simple things we may have forgotten to do:
Many of my clients suffer from setting unrealistic expectations for themselves. The remedy? I recommend a good dose of self-forgiveness for any perceived mistakes - and tons of self-care.
For one person in particular, I suggested she imagine herself as her 3-year-old self – and speak and relate to herself as that child (to curb self-abuse). You would be amazed at how this simple practice can work wonders for your overall self-worth.
Self-worth doesn’t come from something outside yourself. It comes from within.
Why not try to make every day Thanksgiving?
Be thankful for the talents you have.
Be thankful for each day that you can truly live and learn.
Re-discover what brings you peace, joy, and fulfillment.
Your self-worth has nothing to do with your craft or calling, and everything to do with how you treat yourself. ~ Kris Carr
As always I hope this was of value to you and here’s to your success!
Zebralove Web Solutions: Your website tells a story about your business! At Zebralove Web Solutions, Milly and her team are going to make sure your website tells the story you want your customers to hear. Connect with Milly at zebralovewebsolutions.com to create the impression you want to make!
Create Goals that are Worthy of you: If you are done with either pursuing vanilla goals, suffering through the struggle of goals that are not aligned with your strengths, or dealing with heartbreak of an unattainable goal this course is for you!
Private Facebook Community: Chat, share and collaborate with other women listening to the podcast!
Accomplished: How to Go from Dreaming to Doing: A simple, step by step system that gives you the foundation and structure to take your goals and make them happen.
Deb Elbaum, MD, PCC, is a neuroscience coach, author, and speaker, who works with women and professionals during times in their lives when they feel ready for a new challenge personally or professionally. She brings enthusiasm and a wide-ranging toolkit that incorporates the best of neuroscience and intuitive coaching to help clients break though mental blocks, spark new connections, and take action. Deb facilitates workshops around how Think Positively and Effectively, and was a recent presenter at the Maine Women's Conference.
We all have times when we lose our composure, or feel overwhelmed and stressed. Fortunately, there are strategies that can help us return to calm, clear thinking and leading. Deb will share some brain concepts and tools that you can use right away to start building awareness of your patterns and how to shift them. These concepts include:
Website: www.debelbaum.com
Zebralove Web Solutions: Your website tells a story about your business! At Zebralove Web Solutions, Milly and her team are going to make sure your website tells the story you want your customers to hear. Connect with Milly at zebralovewebsolutions.com to create the impression you want to make!
Create Goals that are Worthy of you: If you are done with either pursuing vanilla goals, suffering through the struggle of goals that are not aligned with your strengths, or dealing with heartbreak of an unattainable goal this course is for you!
Private Facebook Community: Chat, share and collaborate with other women listening to the podcast!
Accomplished: How to Go from Dreaming to Doing: A simple, step by step system that gives you the foundation and structure to take your goals and make them happen.
If you enjoyed this episode subscribe in iTunes, Stitcher Radio, Google Play Music or iHeart Radio and never miss out on inspiration and community!
If you've been following along with the podcast or got my newsletter a couple weeks ago you know I was sidelined with a strained muscle in my lower back and I am feeling so much better now and am back at my burpee workouts and moving toward my goal. This is going to sound strange to say but I am so grateful to be back doing crazy amounts of burpees!
I did a lot to care for my injury but the real turning point was when I sucked up the scary and the discomfort and started going for walks, doing light aerobics and then building from there. Go figure, movement is beneficial to the body.
Recently I had a conversation with someone about leadership challenges.
Her biggest challenge is one we all face – and one that seems so much more overwhelming at this time of year: How to stay focused when you have so much to do – and you feel like all you’re doing is simply putting out fires and keeping up with minutia – and getting nothing of significance accomplished.
I know this is an all-too familiar topic for many of you. The good news is that you can stay focused, even when it feels like you have no time to spare and you’re extinguishing whatever fire seems to be burning brightest.
Here are my 5 of my favorite strategies for staying focused – try implementing even one and I bet you’ll see noticeable results in your life
Ever hear of a digital detox? I’m sure you have, and right now you’re probably thinking, “What?! Like I can disconnect now.”
Don’t get me wrong – I love smartphones just as much as you do. But the importance of disconnecting from technology is even being recognized by hotels, many of which now offer a whole new kind of “detox package”.
Instead of the customary offerings that give guests a chance to “cleanse” by dining on a special diet and engaging in a fitness plan, digital detox packages have been called the “next big trend” in the hospitality industry.
No need to spend days detoxing – a mini-detox can be just as effective. Close out that email, turn off the phone, and shut the door to focus on what’s really important (and it’s not that Facebook post from your friend detailing what she made for dinner last night).
We all have the same amount of hours - so instead of trying to use your energy on dozens of tasks, target your energy on a limited number. Focus on what will give you the biggest bang for your energy buck!
Many people say yes to avoid confrontation or maintain and image of themselves as giving, capable and in control. You can take the middle of the road option: the neutral no.
“A neutral no is steady, uninflected, and clear. It is mostly notable for what it is not: harsh, combative, apologetic, reluctant, or overly nice.”
Saying “yes” to everything is one of the fastest paths to burnout. It is perfectly ok to say “no”; in fact, you owe it to yourself to be honest about what commitments you can – and cannot – handle at a given time.
Practice makes perfect on this one, and for some people, saying “no” can be really hard. Just keep practicing until it becomes comfortable for you. Oh, and there’s a bonus here: when you do this, you’ll gradually feel more and more empowered and confident.
If you absolutely hate to say "no" I recommend using the phrase, "That's not going to work for me." It's a way to say "no" without shutting the other person down.
There’s another fire burning somewhere right now, just waiting for you to come put it out. Wait – is it really something that needs your attention now? Has it turned into a total conflagration, or is it just a “flare-up”?
I like to take a closer look at the issue and see if it’s actually something that can wait, even if it’s just for a little bit. That little extra time may allow for the fire to burn out on its own…and if not, that bit of added time allows me to look at the issue with a clearer mindset.
When we are overworked or overwhelmed we don't see things clearly. We lose our ability to rank need and so everything feels urgent. Taking that deep breath and calming down before making a decision will give your brain some time to turn those capabilities back on.
Sometimes, because we have such high expectations of ourselves, we assume other people have the same expectations of us.
Oftentimes, however, it’s our own expectations running the show - and rarely do we live up them.
According to Eckhart Tolle,“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation - but your thoughts about it”. Reset your expectations and be real – and by taking an unbiased second look, the situation can end up looking totally different.
I often remind myself that if I'm the one who set the deadline then I'm the one who can change it. I look at whether it was an arbitrary deadline or if it is tied to something time sensitive. If it was an arbitrary deadline I chalk it up to a bad guess and move the date.
Being overly stressed can impede your ability to get tasks done in a timely manner. If by changing the due date on some less import tasks allows you to give your biggest priority more mental bandwidth, all the better.
This strategy is unfortunately often under-utilized by many people who think they have to “do it all”. Amy Gallo in Harvard Business Review says if you’re working long hours and feel you’re the only one who can do the job while your staff keeps regular work hours, you may not realize that you’re hoarding your work.
Don’t make excuses by telling yourself training someone will take too much time. Keep a checklist and see exactly how your time is spent. “You’re likely to find that a lot of time is spent on low-leverage activities that can be delegated,” says Jeffrey Pfeffer, author of What Were They Thinking?: Unconventional Wisdom About Management.
There you have it – my 5 favorite strategies for keeping focused when it feels like the fires are burning all around you.
And don't forget the Create Goals that are Worthy of You Mini-Course has exercised in it to help you identify your Superpowers as well as qualities that, once developed, you can leverage to get things done more quickly and effectively. This mini-course is $29 but as a listener of the Women Taking the Lead podcast you can use coupon code goals10 to get $10 off at checkout.
I hope this was of value to you and here's to your success!
TextExpander lets you instantly insert snippets of text from a repository of emails, boilerplate and other content, as you type – using a quick search or abbreviation. Go to https://textexpander.com/podcast and select Women Taking the Lead from the drop down list for 20% off your first year!
Zebralove Web Solutions: Your website tells a story about your business! At Zebralove Web Solutions, Milly and her team are going to make sure your website tells the story you want your customers to hear. Connect with Milly at zebralovewebsolutions.com to create the impression you want to make!
Create Goals that are Worthy of you: If you are done with either pursuing vanilla goals, suffering through the struggle of goals that are not aligned with your strengths, or dealing with heartbreak of an unattainable goal this course is for you!
Private Facebook Community: Chat, share and collaborate with other women listening to the podcast!
Accomplished: How to Go from Dreaming to Doing: A simple, step by step system that gives you the foundation and structure to take your goals and make them happen.
Kelly Gushue is Founder & CEO of Personal Finance Warrior. She empowers women all over the world to claim their financial power inside their business and in their personal life through her online programs and coaching. She also holds live workshops for companies, women's groups and alumni groups. Kelly has worked in several areas of finance including portfolio analysis, research and investment management. She holds a BA from Harvard College and an MBA from the Booth School of Business at The University of Chicago.
After living in Shanghai for 3 years, Kelly returned to the U.S. and took a job as a financial advisor. When she received the job offer, she was told there was no room to negotiate, so Kelly took the first offer. After a few months, a female manager pointed out to Kelly that she should have negotiated for more. Kelly now uses that experience to teach other women to stand up and ask for the pay they deserve.
Kelly leads with enthusiasm, which is one of her natural abilities. She talks with her team and gets them pumped up for the vision she has in store, while also paying attention to their ideas as well. Candid and meaningful feedback is also very important to Kelly.
Kelly loves talking about money and encouraging other women to stand up and have that conversation as well. In her latest project, Kelly is taking the information she gathered from 24 entrepreneur women and turning it into a helpful tool for women. She is hoping that women can learn from this instead of making the mistakes themselves.
Kelly finds it challenging to offload more work to the people on her team in an effective way. She wants her team to take on more tasks, but she isn’t sure if they can.
Kelly goes to the gym every morning to start her day with a clear mind. She likes to be part of a physical gym and be around people.
Kelly would have told her younger self to share more of her wild interests and wacky ideas. She was always concerned people would think she was a little nutty.
“Carpe Diem.” ~Horace
Website: www.PersonalFinanceWarrior.com
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/claimyourfinancialpower/
Zebralove Web Solutions: Your website tells a story about your business! At Zebralove Web Solutions, Milly and her team are going to make sure your website tells the story you want your customers to hear. Connect with Milly at zebralovewebsolutions.com to create the impression you want to make!
Create Goals that are Worthy of you: If you are done with either pursuing vanilla goals, suffering through the struggle of goals that are not aligned with your strengths, or dealing with heartbreak of an unattainable goal this course is for you!
Private Facebook Community: Chat, share and collaborate with other women listening to the podcast!
Accomplished: How to Go from Dreaming to Doing: A simple, step by step system that gives you the foundation and structure to take your goals and make them happen.
If you enjoyed this episode subscribe in iTunes, Stitcher Radio, Google Play Music or iHeart Radio and never miss out on inspiration and community!